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Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Too Many Projects... Too Little Time 

1. Work Related:
Our work projects keep changing minute by minute, which makes life difficult when I'm working on second shift.
"I've already gotten babysitters, dammit! Don't change the class dates on me now!"
It gets really frustrating. But sometimes, when the projects will likely result in quality improvement, I do get a bit excited... maybe too excited. Hell. It's only a job, right?

2. Personal-Work-Related:
I'm also working on some projects that can be considered "Personal-Work-Related projects". (Dont'cha just love all them dashes?)
These projects have to do with The Holidays. I plan to make my own holiday cards and some biscotti, for the folks The Big A. I'm only in the planning stages, though. I'm narrowing down my flavor decisions and how much of the cards should be my own handiwork. Should I make a Christmas tree shape out of a sponge or just buy a damned rubber stamp at the over-priced hobby shop? Oh... and one co-worker has diabetes, so I'll have to make him some crackers instead of the biscotti.

3. My Own Mirror Project Project:
Every time I walk by anything that's the least bit reflective, I find myself wondering if I could use it to make a good picture for The Mirror Project. I've gotten five self portraits submitted and accepted, already.
But I do have a grand idea that I'd like to try. It would take some good planning and a lot of coordination of a group of folks, each with a digital camera. I'm looking for volunteers, so let me know if you might be interested. We all need to be in the same location, for this one. So maybe I'll get the family to do it together, when most of them are here for Thanksgiving.

4. Meals Ready to Eat:
I'm also planning to write an "article" about the military's Meals Ready to Eat, AKA: MREs. I'll explain how this project came about, when I write the article. So...

...Stay Tuned!
(PS: I have to call it an article or I'll look like a liar. Don't worry. You'll understand.)


Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Keeping it Safe 

My Wife, Terrible T, once purchased one of those little safes that are disguised as a can of something. The can is given some false weight and you screw off the bottom portion to reveal a hiding place for a small amount of money or some jewelry.
The problem was this: She'd bought a can that looked exactly like a can of Morton's low sodium salt substitute, or some such kitchen or dining room accessory. But she kept it in our bedroom. Now I don't know about you, but if I were a thief, I'd wonder what this couple was doing with salt substitute in their bedroom. No-stick spray might've passed. But not lo-salt salt.
Terrible T never uses the Morton's can, though. So it makes little difference. She once suggested we carve out the middle of a book, like in the olden days. Now that would probably work. No way would a thief waste his (or her) time going through all of the bajillion books we own.
Or... maybe I could buy one of these. Think about it. Would you take the chance?

I wonder if they make spray cans of shit smell. That would really complete the illusion.


Monday, October 11, 2004


I'm the type of guy who enjoys a good little scheme. I helped surprise Terrible T when she had her baby shower, before Marc was born. Another scheme: with the help of Rob Hittel, our favorite antiquarian bookseller, I tricked her into thinking her he'd already sold that set of Lewis and Clark Journals... and then made her wait through her birthday until Christmas before I'd wrapped them in a box along with a few bricks to make the package really heavy. She pretended to almost faint, when she opened the box.
But this is something I would never have considered. And I'm truly amazed that anyone else would.


Friday, October 08, 2004

See what I have to put up with? 


And that's not all I've been up to. I've also submitted two more photos to The Mirror Project.
When you get there, click the search button and put in my name. You can try Kevin Hall, too, and see the photos my friend has had accepted to the project.
Try it out, yourself. Be creative. Have fun.


Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Sad Stories 

Sad Story Number One:
Rodney Dangerfield has left the building...
Rodney Dangerfield spent his entire life getting no respect in his comedy routine. As the owner of a famous comedy club, discoverer of now-famous comedians, and a movie "star" in his own right, Rodney certainly did earn a great deal of respect.
Though I was never a huge fan of his, his act always made me laugh. And no one can really put a price on laughter.
Rodney will be missed by many.

Sad Story Number Two:
Man Mistakenly Cuts Off Penis, Dog Eats It
Mon Oct 4,10:41 AM ET

BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken's neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said Monday.
It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.
"I confused it with the chicken's neck," Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. "I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it."
Doctors said the man, who was brought in by an ambulance bleeding heavily, was now out of danger.

Okay, I know that Reuters reported it... but this still sounds like an Urban Legend to me. I can see a slight similarity between a chicken neck and a dick, but I can not imagine how the two became mixed up in such a way that the man could swing a knife and slice off the wrong thing.
When I wear underwear, my penis usually manages to stay within them. And even if it popped out, it's still pretty damn unlikely that I could mistake it for a chicken neck. This guy's penis must have been pretty big, if it could get in the way that easily.
The part about the dog eating it seems suspicious, too. If a dog started eating your penis, wouldn't you fight him for it?
"No, Rover! Spit it out! Baaaad Boy! You give that back right now!"


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